GOING FOR COFFEE

In today’s world, it seems like going for coffee is almost a pre-date. It’s not really the equivalent of what dinner and a movie used to be. It’s almost as though it’s a test. If you pass, then you move on to an actual date.

Going for coffee should take the pressure off both of you. You will be able to be yourself and relax a bit more than if you knew you were going to dinner. Coffee, after all, can be as short as 30 minutes or as long as you want. Dinner, you know you will be there for over an hour.

I went on a dinner date not that long ago, and I knew from the beginning the chemistry wasn’t there. I also knew that I was going to give it time to see if it could develop. Sometimes chemistry doesn’t happen right away, so I thought maybe after talking for a little while, it may rise at least a little bit. It was a struggle to keep the conversation flowing. People who know me would find this hard to believe, because I am a question asker. I am interested in people and enjoy finding out how they have come to be. But there comes a time when I don’t want to be the only one asking questions. There were awkward moments of silence, covered up by the loud bar/restaurant he had chosen. I waited to see how long it would take for him to say something. After a while, this got old…fast. He would eventually chime in, but by then I was more occupied with the sports game that was playing behind him.

When talking to someone who you just meet is this difficult, the future doesn’t seem promising. Yes, people can be nervous, but you also have to be yourself, in order to be able to spark any interest from the other person. Don’t look like you are on a job interview. My date sat straight up and was very stiff. He didn’t look comfortable or relaxed.

We hear that men are simple…simple creatures. We women are not, or that’s what men think, although I beg to differ. Many women I know, myself not excluded, tend to analyze and overanalyze even the smallest things. So we are analyzing the way you talk, sit, and stand. We are wondering what your gestures or lack of them mean. More importantly, if we like you, we want to know what you think of how the date went. You said this or you implied that. What do you mean by this? Is it a good or a bad thing? Even though we may never know the answers, it doesn’t keep us from asking ourselves those questions.

No matter where a woman goes initially with a guy, whether it’s for a drink or dinner, she will put her analytical skills to use. And just so she isn’t in a situation, where she is screaming, “I would rather be at home watching ‘Grey’s Anatomy’ than here,” coffee is always a great start. Try to have low expectations when you first meet a guy. That way, it will always exceed them. If it doesn’t go well, you can get to Grey’s that much faster. If it does, which I hope it goes better than you think, then coffee can always turn into a longer conversation or off to something more fun! Keep a posit