We have all had our hearts broken at one time or another. Whether we liked someone and he/she didn’t like us back or someone broke up with us, we felt the pain.
At times, it’s difficult to distinguish between the hurt and the anger. It may get convoluted where you don’t know when the hurt stops and the anger begins.
I’m not implying that it’s right or fair, but we all deal with that hurt in different ways. This pain is magnetized if you had a relationship with someone, and it didn’t work out the way you wanted or expected. Imagine thinking you are on the same page as he is, then finding out, once you’ve invested time and your heart, that he doesn’t want the same thing you want or he “just isn’t ready.”
I recently read Steve Harvey’s book, “Straight Talk No Chaser.” In it, he says that a man is defined by three things: who he is, what he does, and how much he makes. If any one of these three things is missing, then he is going to spend his time finding that and not the time on YOU that you need.
Yes, I know…he should have figured this out a long time ago. Why would he keep going out with you if he didn’t want what you want? There are many explanations for this. Maybe he didn’t know what he wanted. Maybe he thought he wanted one thing and realized that he wasn’t being true to himself. Maybe he was scared to discover what he really wants. Maybe, maybe, maybe. You can keep your wheels turning and continue the conversations in your head or if you really want to know, you need
to ask him, and trust he will tell you the truth.
We have all heard the stories of people, or at least seen “When Harry Met Sally,” when Sally’s ex gets married right after he and she break up. Sally says, “But she’s supposed to be the transitional person. She isn’t supposed to be ‘The One.’ The fact is he just didn’t want to marry me.”
The truth is he may marry the very next person he dates. As hard of a reality as that is, yes, sometimes guys just don’t want to marry you. I know you are an amazing person, but that doesn’t mean you are the “right” person for him. And that doesn’t mean he is the “right” person for you.
He needs to be at a place in his life where he is ready…ready and willing to find “The One.” He also has to have an open mind and heart. If he doesn’t, and you come along, the timing will not be right and things will not happen the way you want or expect. And you will be the only one disappointed with that.
Yes, you may get hurt. Yes, you may twist that hurt into anger, not understanding his motives or actions. But take it as a blessing. You may not be the right person for him, but more importantly HE may not be the “The One” for you. And if that’s what your searching for, it’s better to know that now than once you’ve invested even more time in him or the relationship that you thought you wanted.
Think of where you would be if you got everything you wanted in life right when you wanted it? Would you be with someone else? In a completely different job or city? Would you be miserable? This hurt may be what saves you from the biggest mistake of your life. There is something or someone bigger and better in store for you.
Work through the pain and try not to be angry, because it’s not about you. It’s about him. Unless he is psychotic, not many people set out to intentionally hurt people. He is doing what he thinks is best for himself. I’m sure if it were you, you might have done things differently, but not everyone acts the same way you think they should.
Don’t make assumptions or go through different scenarios in your head. It will only drive you crazy and keep you from moving on…which is exactly what you need to do. You need to move forward the best you can. One small step at a time. Stop looking at his Facebook page. Don’t text him or email him. Whatever it is you need to do for you, do it!
Why do some guys still want to be friends after they break up with you? With most girls it doesn’t work that way. We don’t downshift that fast. We have too many emotions involved to be able to go from, “Hey we are romantically involved and I just saw you naked two nights ago,” to “Hey now we are just buddies, let’s go grab a beer and that’s it.” Even if we never had sex with the guy, we tend to be driven by the heart, so being friends isn’t a viable open right away. Because let’s be honest, you don’t see him as “just a friend.” You are still wanting more. If he still wants to be friends, let him know that isn’t possible right now. Some women want to keep talking to the guy, because they still want to hold onto the possibility that some thing might happen in the future. This just gives you false hope.
Years ago, I went out with a guy for about a month. Little did I know he still liked me months later. Then several more months passed, he and I started talking and we became the best of friends. We talked about anything and everything. There was no subject off limits and our conversation always flowed. We were so close, we traveled to Italy together. If you didn’t know better, you would have thought we were a couple. But the thing is, we needed that time after we went out to get to this place. We couldn’t have done it right after things ended. There were still too many emotions involved.
You control your emotions. Don’t hold onto that pain and anger, because it’s only hurting you. So give yourself that time, and be patient. Don’t rush through it. Spend time with your friends. Even if your heart is not 100% in it, go out with other guys. Maybe along the way, you will meet someone you enjoy even more. And referring to your ex, you will think, “Oh…what’s his name?”
And if it’s meant to be…it will.
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