Finding New Flaws

Okay, is it just me or what?! I thought things were supposed to get better with age. I just don't understand, like really wrap my brain around it, how as I've gotten older things with my body change so much. I mean, really??

Okay, I used to have full, thick hair. Now, when I get out of the shower, I have to take a tissue, wrap it around the bottom of my hair and pull all the extra hairs that are dangling. I just don't understand it.

I thought breaking out was supposed to happen when you were a teenager. Well, I break out more now then I ever did then or in my twenties. I see a little, small, minute "bump" in my skin, and I continue to pick, squeeze, and mess with it, until it turns into a red patch. I see my "huge" pores and just keep picking at them, as if doing this is going to make the pore disappear or even shrink. I don't even have one of those magnifying mirrors...the ones where you can see the smallest thing on your face and think it's a volcano about to explode. Shoot, if I had this mirror, I may never leave the bathroom. My biggest flaw is finding these small insignificant imperfections on my chest and creating a red mountain. Then I kick myself for picking at something that barely existed. But now I've messed with it so much, that it's definitely going to be there for at least another week. Why oh why do I do this?

I have no concrete answer for this one...and I wish I did. If I see some minute imperfection in my skin, it's like something takes over in my brain. I am no longer Jessica, and I become The Picker. I obsess and obsess about the bump...not stopping until I've torn my skin apart.

I went to the dermatologist once and saw an act that he performed on my skin. I had this white spot that looked like a zit underneath the skin, which in fact it was. It was a pimple that refused to break through the top layer of skin. So he took a small needle to break the skin and then a tool that pressed around the pimple to bring out the white. When I saw how easy this was to do, I thought, "If this ever happens again, I can do this on my own."

It has happened again...and I've tried on my own. I get a sterilized needle, poke the top layer of skin and then squeeze. Okay, a few times, it has worked perfectly...after I figured out how to exactly maneuver the needle and poke exactly where it needs to be. Other times, it doesn't work at all, and all I managed to draw is a little blood, which turns into a scab. But I'm willing to endure this for the possibility that I can get the perfect stick and drawn the stubborn pimple out. The things I go through to have great skin ends up making my skin worse than if I would have just left it alone to begin with.

I'm trying to be patient and know that as I'm getting older, losing a few strands of hair, my skin is changing too, which I absolutely hate. My once unseen pores look as though they are growing overnight. Dare I say...I can even see a slight sagging in the face. Oh my, I hate to say it...I'm not obsessed, I'm just concerned and want to do all I can to remain looking that way I'm used to looking. I'm not saying I want to look like a teenager or a twenty year old. I'm just saying that I don't want things to be changing...or not so quickly, as where it seems to happen overnight.

So, I won't become obsessed if you don't. I won't worry about me changing if you don't. I won't pick, mess with, or squeeze if you don't. I refuse to see those "volcano" on my skin if you refuse. I'll give up my needle sticking days, if you do...I'll remain the non-getting zits in my younger days woman, if you do. I won't give a thought to any bumps, pimples, or skin imperfections, if you won't....So ladies throw away that magnifying mirror and realize that the minute, small thing you see in your skin will go away quicker if you just let it be. There won't be a red mark, a scab or scar. So leave it alone, stop looking in the mirror, and don't give it another thought....Okay, well maybe one more thought!