When I was younger I used to play the game MASH (mansion, apartment, shack, and house). For those of you who don't know this game, let me explain it a little for you. My girlfriend (really a variety of friends) and I would get a piece of paper and pencil. Then you write "MASH" at the top. Then you select different categories with three choices in each category. The "must" categories were Men, Bridesmaids, Car, Kids (number of kids), Location (where you live) and Age (how old you would be when you got married). There could be so many other categories that you would add at your discretion. When you chose three for each category, you would close your eyes, while your friend made marks on the page. Then she would count those marks, and let's say they add to 5. Then she could count the answers and mark out the fifth one, then count five more and mark it out. She would do this until one answer was left under each category.
My point is when I played this game, under the Age category for when I would get married, my answer would be 21, 22, 23, sometimes even 19. Because at the age of 8 or 9, my early twenties seemed old. I never, not even once, put down anything in the vicinity of 30 as my answer. Now, I'm 35, and I haven't even remotely found someone I would even consider marrying.
Now some would say, that I am picky. But my answer to this is...why wouldn't I be picky. Why would I choose to spend the rest of my life with someone that I'm just "so-so" about? How does that make sense. I mean, I want it all, but then again, everyone should want it all for him/herself....whatever it all means for them.
Since I have yet to find someone and really don't have any ideas where to look, I decided to try online dating. Now one of my good friends married a guy she met online, 10 years ago, when it wasn't what it is today. I have another friend who met his girlfriend of 1 1/2 years online. So, I thought it's worth a shot, right?
Well, I actually met someone who I thought was a great guy, Craig. He was a professional skier, who was busy getting ready for the Olympics in 2010. He was in great shape and was good looking, although he looked 13 years younger than his 36 years. I liked that he was ambitious and goal oriented. He even had a graduate degree. He would give me details on his day and ask about me. He answered all of my questions and gave me information about himself. He would even make silly comments about things I mentioned in my emails. He drew me in with every email he sent.
I also started getting emails from another guy, Vern (name changed) who had a 5 1/2 year old kid who lived in Florida. Vern was 52, and I emailed him back once but wasn't interested. He emailed me several more times, even though I never replied to him.
Craig then tells me he thinks I'm too old for him at 35, because his life is being a skier. By the time the Olympics are over, he will be 37 and it will take him a few years to get settled in a job and make enough money to provide for a family. I was devastated...not only was I very attracted to this guy, but I was sad that someone sad I was too old at 35. I never in my life thought 35 was too old...for anything!
Well, to make a long story short, I talked to him and find out that Craig and Vern are one and the same person...and let me tell you, I NEVER saw this one coming. But it's really the 52 year old Vern who is acting like he is Craig. He tells me some pathetic story that tries to validate what he did. He said Craig was still him, everything he said was true only 10 years ago. To me, it was all a lie, because "Craig" would say things he did one day that really never happened. If you lie to me, that's something I have problems getting past.
More than his lying, he made me doubt myself...I second guessed being 35, and knowing that it's not too old. I thought, "If 35 is too old, I'm never going to get married and have kids." I also thought, "How is 35 too old?"
This online incident did teach me a thing or two...One is not to every allow someone else to doubt you or what you believe. Also, don't let someone else try to manipulate you into doing or believing something, that you heart/gut tells you otherwise. I know I'm going to have to go through a lot of toads to find my prince, but gosh, I'm already getting impatient. And I thought about this, right after it happened and wondered if I should stop looking online for my prince. Then I thought, "Why am I going to let someone who doesn't mean anything to me interfere with my goals?"
Well, I'm not, and neither should you! We will find some creeps along the way, but who said finding your "wish man"...the guy I wish I had....was ever going to be easy. If it was, I would sit on my couch, and he would come knocking at my door. Then again, this isn't a fairytale, although I am proactively seeking my prince...and if he looked like George Clooney, Michael Vartan or Wentworth Miller, that definitely wouldn't hurt the cause. Keep an open mind, open heart and open eyes. He could be walking past you in the grocery story, standing next to you in line or sitting at the next restaurant table. I'm always on the scope out, and you should be too, because GMW (George, Michael, Wentworth) may be walking in front of you, and if you blink your eyes, someone else will be marrying your husband.
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