35...and Finally Had a Real Date

  So, this is the follow up to my previous article 30 and Never Had a Real Date.  Well, I turned 35 about a month ago, and I finally had a real date.  Yeah for me !!!!  I met a guy through an online dating site, because let’s face it, I won’t pretend to know where to go to meet single guys these days.  I mean if you don’t meet them at work, school, or through friends, where do you meet them.  I’m not the bar/club type of person, and I don’t know anyone who can set me up with guys.  So, that leaves very few options.

            Anyways, we emailed a few times before we talked on the phone.  The conversations on the phone went very well.   The first conversation lasted 4 hours and the second lasted 6 hours, on Monday and Tuesday respectively.  Then we met up for drinks late on Friday.  We were both a little nervous, after all with the conversations going so well, I had some type of expectations, as I’m sure he did too.  The conversation was a little slow at first, but after the second drink, it went better.

            We agreed to meet up on Sunday for our first actual date.  We had this day planned and decided during the week.  After our two great conversations, we agreed to meet up on Fri for a pre-date.  So, technically Sunday was my first real date.  Now the poor guy didn’t have any idea that I had never had a real date.  I mean, he did tell me on Friday that he Googled me.  If you do the same, you will notice many things come up.  So, when he said this, I was shocked and surprised and even cringed a little, because I wasn’t sure what he read or saw about me.  Now, I’m sure you can imagine, I certainly didn’t want him seeing that I had never had a real date…that wouldn’t be a great way to just meet someone, “By the way I’ve never had a real date, no pressure : )”  I thought I would wait at least until I knew he liked me more to break this news to him.

            Anyways on Sunday, we were going to eat and walk around this outside area to “explore,” as he put it, which I wasn’t really sure what that meant, but I was up for it anyways.  After all, I had never had a real date.  Then he said the weather might not be too good, so he suggested the usual movie and dinner.  I said to him, “I guess that’s fine if you are already tired of talking to me.”  He laughed, but I guess he was, because we ended up doing dinner and a movie. 

            It went okay, but the conversation was more difficult this time.  I felt like I was the one who kept instigating the conversation, and if I didn’t ask questions or talk, there was only silence.  I liked the guy, so we went out a few more times.  After a month, I realized that my intuition was right, there was no emotional connection.  So, I ended it.  Now I realize I should’ve listened to my instincts and not kept going out with him for even a month.  I know what my likes/dislikes are, what my interests are, and what I want in a man.  This guy didn’t know any of these things about himself, which is fine in your twenties.  In your thirties, if you don’t know these things about yourself, you’re never going to find someone that lifts you, because you don’t even know who you are.

            Now, after finally having my first real date, I realize that I really haven’t been missing out on so much….the awkward conversations, the nervousness, the uncertainty, etc.  Then again, I could look at it as the appeal of meeting someone new, good conversation, and who knows how this person can change my life….right?  This is going to be a long road for me to find the man of my dreams, and I just started.  I do wish I would’ve started the whole “looking for the man of my dreams” a little while ago, because I realize it’s not just going to take one or two guys.  It may take me several years.  At the age of 35, and wanting a family, I don’t feel like I have several years.

            Which leads me to….okay, so I’ve tried all kinds of online dating sites, Match Eharmony, Plenty of fish, Sugardaddie, Millionairematch, Dateamillionaire, among I’m sure another one or two I can’t think of.  Now, I have only joined a few, but I’m registered on all of these, and for some reason I can’t find a good looking, interesting, with a good personality guy.  The guys that I find attractive or appealing don’t email me back, whereas the guys I’m not interested in email me.  So, what gives?  I’m a reasonably attractive, educated, fun, witty, adventurous, traveling gal, but for some reason I’m not attracting the men I want.  What’s the secret? 

            I mean if it’s going to take me several guys to find the man of my dreams, and I don’t know where to look besides online dating, and I can’t find any one to whom I’m attracted to respond to my emails, does that mean I’m going to be single forever???  Gosh, I hope not.  So, ladies and gentlemen, please, please, please, write me a comment and give me some advice on where I can go to find someone to whom I might be interested.  Tell me what’s the secret to writing a great online profile.  I’ve even read advice on how to write a great online profile, and obviously that’s not even working for me. 

            Granted, I’m the type of person who wants results now.  I wasn’t expecting to find my dream man in the first real date I’ve ever had, but a girl can hope can’t she?  I did find this great guy, or who seems to be a great guy (screen name Bamfum on a couple of sites) but I think he is not a paid member.  I’m really wanting to talk to him…just to see what would happen.  Of course, I need to get over that, because it’s completely out of my control….so I’ll just keep him in the back of my mind, just in case: ) 

            So let me put this out there to you…the guy I’m looking for isn’t perfect, because I know I’m not perfect.  He just has to be perfect for me.  He has to be attractive, ambitious, fun, be able to laugh at himself (because I’m the first to laugh at myself), supportive, challenge me, able to handle sarcasm (I can be quite sarcastic—but not in a judgmental negative way), outgoing, adventurous, a traveler, love to explore/try new things…okay, so good luck to meJ….But, I also know he is out there.  So, if you are looking for your “wish man,” as I like to call mine, because he is the man I wish I had, make sure you have a list (at least in your head) of who you are looking for and on what you are willing to compromise.  Since I’ve waited this long to find my “wish man,” I have to be willing to give up George (Clooney), Michael (Vartan) and Wentworth (Miller) for this guy, so he HAS to be one spectacular man.  Nothing else will (or should) do….and it should be the same for you.  Don’t give up, no matter how old you are, age is only relative after all, your “wish man” is out there.  You just have to keep looking…no matter how many men or years it takes.  Wish us luck!

30 and Never Had a Real Date

 I have to make a confession (one that is known by so few). Although I've hung out with a few guys, I have never had a real date. It seems a little weird to say that I am 30 and have never had a real date, but I know I can't be the only woman who this describes. It just boggles my mind, for whatever reason, this can occur to no fault of the woman. Let me explain. I am a reasonably intelligent, educated, passionate woman. I am a world traveler, who enjoys laughing, adventure, and loving life. Okay, so I am picky--very picky, with high expectations and standards. I have friends who want me to lower my standards, but to me that says they don't think I deserve what I think I deserve. I refuse to settle. I don't believe in doing it, and I have known too many people who have done it in various aspects of their lives.

In high school, I was never really interested in dating. I didn't think anything of this at the time, after all, I was more interested in hanging out with my friends. I did have this mad crush on a guy who was my friend, but he (I assume because everyone knew how much I liked him) didn't like me like that, which you will soon realize just happens to be a repetitive theme in my life. A few weeks before prom, I started talking to another guy, because I really wanted a prom date. We were having problems a couple days before prom, but I didn't want to end it, because we had already paid for everything for prom. I stuck it out, and it ended right after prom.

I went to college, As college goes, you're broke, and no one has money to go out on a real date. My freshman year, I hung out with a couple of guys. One heavily pursued me, and we started going out. Just as I really started to like him, Christmas came, and he became interested in someone else. My first semester sophomore year, I met a guy, and we started going out, which consisted of hanging out at his place most of the time. We went out to eat once in our three month relationship (which to this date in my life is still my longest relationship), but I had to pay for the both of us. He, very conveniently, "had no money." Second semester sophomore year, I met a group of guys. From that moment until the end of my college years, I hung out almost exclusively with this group and never really thought about dating. Okay, I thought about dating...one of them. We hung out, wanting to start something, and decided to tell the rest of the group. Needless to say, that was the beginning and the end of us.

After college, I had another mad crush on someone I worked with. Once again, he knew (as everyone knew) how much I liked him; and again, I could only assume, he didn't feel the same, although I was hoping and praying that would change...but oh, it never did. I changed jobs a year later. Six months after I started my job, I had lunch with a guy, as friends. We went dutch. Shortly after, we started seeing each other but never really went on a date. It ended in a month. A month later, I started seeing someone else. We hung out but, again, never went out, because he was broke. It lasted a month. That was 6, yes 6, years ago. And you know what? I haven't been out with anyone since. It's not that I don't want to, because I do...really, I do. I just don't know where to meet them. Bars and clubs aren't really my scene, plus how many relationships have worked out well from them. I'm not saying they can't work out, but I don't enjoy those scenes, so why would I go there in hopes of meeting someone? I haven't worked with anyone whom I'm interested in. My friends are married and know no good single men. I've asked them. I know some good single men still exist...but, where are they?

I've been asked my whole life, "Why don't you have a boyfriend?" If I knew the answer to this question, which I hate, by the way, I would try to rectify it. Lately, I've been asked, "When are you getting married?" Well...you have to have been on a real date first. What really remains a mystery to me is how I am 30 years old and have never had a real date. How is that possible? Not because I am a supermodel, but I just never thought that I would be 30 and never been on a date. Most girls go on their first date when they are 16. So, I've missed that boat...by just a few years. I've heard numerous times, "It will happen when you are not looking." Well, I haven't really been looking for the last 30 years...and it has yet to happen.

I don't think my date expectations are too high. What I mean by a real date is dinner, one where I am not paying for him. Included in the date would be a movie, a comedy show, piano bar, nice walk, or anything that shows a little imagination is a nice touch. Shoot, who am I kidding? At this point, I would go for just dinner.

Also, my guy standards used to be a lot lower. They have risen a bit throughout the years. Okay, so I can tell you my "ideal" man (but then again, can't everyone?), but I'm willing to compromise on certain things (he doesn't have to be an architect). I'm not willing to settle, which is why my previous men encounters have lasted so briefly. I'm not the kind of woman who will go out with a guy for a free meal or just for the sake of going. If there's no potential for something more, I will end it. Hence, the one month encounters mentioned above.

In the last few years, I went out with this guy, and in three years, we never went out one time.  Can you believe we never went out?  Better yet, can you believe I stayed with someone who never took me out in three years?  Well, that's over, because I deserve and want better.  Also, recently, I have really enjoyed spending time with my girlfriends (although all are married). This may hinder my man situation just a bit. My friends are no longer looking, so when we go out, we don't go to the same places we would have gone when we were single. I can't really go looking for someone by myself. Okay, so maybe I haven't aggressively pursued to rectify this as much as I could. So if you don't meet someone at work or through a friend, where does a single girl go to become a "real" date for someone? I've asked around, and no one seems to have a definitive answer. Now...there's a real mystery for you. So, guys, anyone up for dinner?