Would We Know Each Other?

I walked into Wal-Mart the other day with a friend, we were busy talking as we shopped. Well, we really were only there to get a few things. We were talking, while my friend pushed the cart. We went from the office supplies aisle to the hardware section. We walked over to picture frames and back to hardware. Did I see you, and I was too busy talking to notice? We didn't find what we needed, but should I have looked in a different section, and then I would have seen you?

What if I drive the same route to work every day, and you're driving right behind me? Or you drive by me, we make eye contact, yet keep driving in different directions?

Maybe I'm out to eat with my sister, and you're sitting at another table with a woman. I notice you, and want so desperately to find the chance to talk with you...but you're with a "girlfriend." But I just made the mistake of your sister being your girlfriend.

It's unusual that I stop at a coffee shop. One day I do, but I'm in a bit of a hurry. So, I hurry and order, while just watching the time fade away, waiting for my coffee drink to be made. I don't take the time to look around...and you don't approach me, because you think I look annoyed...and really who wants to approach an annoyed woman. I quickly rush out the door, start my car, and never look back at you.

Would I know you, if I saw you? Would you recognize me, if you saw me? Would our eyes meet, and it just clicks? Would our hearts beat ever so quickly at the first sight of each other? Would you accidentally bump into me, and then "OH" we take notice? Do we drive by each other, then you turn around to follow me...just so when I get out, you can say, "Hi," introduce yourself, and get my number? Or do we grab for the same thing, our hands glide across each other's, and we feel it?

Do we meet at a sporting event, a fundraiser, or work? Do we meet on our own, through a friend or colleague? Is it love at first sight (whatever that means?) Or are we friends first before it turns to more? Or when we meet, do we "just know?" Do we meet once a week for a month or so? Or once we meet, you can't separate us?

If in a crowded room, could I pick YOU out? Could I just sense that you were there..somewhere? And when I saw you, would I say, "THERE!"? Would I know I would meet you that night before I even got there? Or was I just going about my day, doing whatever it was I was doing, and BOOM, there you were?

I may not know how, when or where I'm going to meet you, but you already occupy so many of my thoughts. The love I have for you already exists...and I don't even know who you are, yet I do. You possess certain qualities that I desire, for I would not be with you otherwise. You and I both know how much more we will become together. I know somewhere you are thinking and feeling the same thing. I know you want to find me as badly as I want to find you. I know you will know me...as I will know you. You will see and feel it, as much as I will. You will not be "perfect," as I am not, yet we will be perfect for each other.

It may be days, months or years (hopefully not years). Or it could be tomorrow. Tomorrow my life could change all because I meet you, my love! So, as I go about each and every day, I will look forward to tomorrow, for that is one day closer to meeting and being with you. You will change my life, as I will yours. Our longing to find one another will be over, and we can begin to enjoy the rest of our lives together. So, I fall asleep knowing tomorrow might be the day I meet you. There can be nothing that makes me happier...that is until you're in my life. Until we FINALLY meet....

Searching for the One and Bamfum

 I must be honest, it has taken me some time to be ready in my life to want to find that special someone.  It’s not that I didn’t want to find him before, but now I’m on a mission to find him. 

            There was a time a few years ago where I didn’t know if I ever wanted to get married and have kids.  I feel that not every woman has to be a wife and/or a mother in order to feel fulfilled.  I know many of you will disagree with that, but I don’t think every woman should be a mother; and I wasn’t going to be one just because society thought I should.  I only wanted to be one, if and when I was ready to be one.

            Last year, I volunteered in Africa and everything changed.  I worked in an HIV/AIDS clinic and an orphanage.  I bonded with the most unlikely people, and when I got home, I knew I wanted to get married and have kids.  There was a set of twin girls, 8 years old, who if I could have taken back with me, I would have.  I fell in love with Queenie and Princess, which is what they called themselves, and I knew it was time.

            Well, before I can think about having kids, I so desperately, like so many of you out there, want to find my soul mate, the one I can’t live without.  I didn’t know this would be such an undertaking.  Not that I thought it would come easily, but it seems all my friends have had no problems finding their husbands, why is it such a task for me? 

            I understand that I’m picky, but if I’m going to spend the rest of my life with this person, shouldn’t I be picky?  There are certain things I want, that I’m sure many other women want as well….I want someone who is respectful, generous, and loving.  I also want him to be financially stable and ambitious.  Being with someone who lives paycheck to paycheck makes for a difficult relationship and doesn’t leave a woman with a sense of security, especially if you want kids one day.  I would like him to have goals, because if he can’t challenge himself, he certainly won’t be able to challenge me. 

I’m tall (5’9”), so I want someone who is taller than I am, 5’11” or taller would be nice.  Now I know you might think this is really being picky, but I’ve gone out with a guy shorter than I am, and I just never felt comfortable with it.   

I like adventure and traveling, so it would be great if he shared in those, especially traveling.  But what I really want is someone who I’m attracted to who is also going to treat me well…someone who is a good conversationalist and wants to be with me as much as I want to be with him. 

Now the problem arises.  Where do I go find this attractive, tall, financially stable, ambitious, loving, traveling man?  I don’t like the bar/club scene.  If you don’t meet him at work or school, there leaves little options. 

So I’m currently trying the online dating thing.  It’s going okay, but not great.  The people that seem to like my profile, I’m not interested in.  The guys I like, don’t seem to be interested in me.  What gives? 

I did find this username Bamfum on a couple of sites that I looked on.  But who is Bamfum?  I like what his profile said, and I find him very attractive.  Yes, he is tall at 6’8”, but I don’t have his real name.  Obviously on the online sites, they don’t publish their real names.  He also hasn’t been on the sites in a while, so who knows if he will ever go back on them.  I’m so fascinated with him that I can’t get him off my mind.  That just sounds terrible, considering I’ve never met or even talked to Bamfum.  I emailed him once, but he hasn’t been on the site to even read it….which brings me to this question….    

Have you ever seen someone in passing, at a restaurant, grocery story, and you were drawn to this person for some reason but never said anything to him?  Then as the hours went on, the days passed, you kept thinking of him…wishing you had said something, anything?  But in that moment that you saw him, you didn’t know what to say.  You knew he wasn’t wearing a ring, but that’s all you knew.  You didn’t know how to approach him, how to start a conversation, or you are shy? 

So as I continue on my long journey of finding my future husband, wish me luck, as I wish you luck.  I find this task is going to be grueling, but I know it will be really worth it in the end, because I KNOW he is out there…somewhere looking for me as I’m looking for him.  And keep in mind, I’ve found that not saying something…anything…even hi will eat you up more than you trying to start a conversation.  Who knows what “hi” can lead to…he just might be “the ONE.”  So, Bamfum, if you’re out there, I just want to say, “Hi.”

30 and Never Had a Real Date

 I have to make a confession (one that is known by so few). Although I've hung out with a few guys, I have never had a real date. It seems a little weird to say that I am 30 and have never had a real date, but I know I can't be the only woman who this describes. It just boggles my mind, for whatever reason, this can occur to no fault of the woman. Let me explain. I am a reasonably intelligent, educated, passionate woman. I am a world traveler, who enjoys laughing, adventure, and loving life. Okay, so I am picky--very picky, with high expectations and standards. I have friends who want me to lower my standards, but to me that says they don't think I deserve what I think I deserve. I refuse to settle. I don't believe in doing it, and I have known too many people who have done it in various aspects of their lives.

In high school, I was never really interested in dating. I didn't think anything of this at the time, after all, I was more interested in hanging out with my friends. I did have this mad crush on a guy who was my friend, but he (I assume because everyone knew how much I liked him) didn't like me like that, which you will soon realize just happens to be a repetitive theme in my life. A few weeks before prom, I started talking to another guy, because I really wanted a prom date. We were having problems a couple days before prom, but I didn't want to end it, because we had already paid for everything for prom. I stuck it out, and it ended right after prom.

I went to college, As college goes, you're broke, and no one has money to go out on a real date. My freshman year, I hung out with a couple of guys. One heavily pursued me, and we started going out. Just as I really started to like him, Christmas came, and he became interested in someone else. My first semester sophomore year, I met a guy, and we started going out, which consisted of hanging out at his place most of the time. We went out to eat once in our three month relationship (which to this date in my life is still my longest relationship), but I had to pay for the both of us. He, very conveniently, "had no money." Second semester sophomore year, I met a group of guys. From that moment until the end of my college years, I hung out almost exclusively with this group and never really thought about dating. Okay, I thought about dating...one of them. We hung out, wanting to start something, and decided to tell the rest of the group. Needless to say, that was the beginning and the end of us.

After college, I had another mad crush on someone I worked with. Once again, he knew (as everyone knew) how much I liked him; and again, I could only assume, he didn't feel the same, although I was hoping and praying that would change...but oh, it never did. I changed jobs a year later. Six months after I started my job, I had lunch with a guy, as friends. We went dutch. Shortly after, we started seeing each other but never really went on a date. It ended in a month. A month later, I started seeing someone else. We hung out but, again, never went out, because he was broke. It lasted a month. That was 6, yes 6, years ago. And you know what? I haven't been out with anyone since. It's not that I don't want to, because I do...really, I do. I just don't know where to meet them. Bars and clubs aren't really my scene, plus how many relationships have worked out well from them. I'm not saying they can't work out, but I don't enjoy those scenes, so why would I go there in hopes of meeting someone? I haven't worked with anyone whom I'm interested in. My friends are married and know no good single men. I've asked them. I know some good single men still exist...but, where are they?

I've been asked my whole life, "Why don't you have a boyfriend?" If I knew the answer to this question, which I hate, by the way, I would try to rectify it. Lately, I've been asked, "When are you getting married?" Well...you have to have been on a real date first. What really remains a mystery to me is how I am 30 years old and have never had a real date. How is that possible? Not because I am a supermodel, but I just never thought that I would be 30 and never been on a date. Most girls go on their first date when they are 16. So, I've missed that boat...by just a few years. I've heard numerous times, "It will happen when you are not looking." Well, I haven't really been looking for the last 30 years...and it has yet to happen.

I don't think my date expectations are too high. What I mean by a real date is dinner, one where I am not paying for him. Included in the date would be a movie, a comedy show, piano bar, nice walk, or anything that shows a little imagination is a nice touch. Shoot, who am I kidding? At this point, I would go for just dinner.

Also, my guy standards used to be a lot lower. They have risen a bit throughout the years. Okay, so I can tell you my "ideal" man (but then again, can't everyone?), but I'm willing to compromise on certain things (he doesn't have to be an architect). I'm not willing to settle, which is why my previous men encounters have lasted so briefly. I'm not the kind of woman who will go out with a guy for a free meal or just for the sake of going. If there's no potential for something more, I will end it. Hence, the one month encounters mentioned above.

In the last few years, I went out with this guy, and in three years, we never went out one time.  Can you believe we never went out?  Better yet, can you believe I stayed with someone who never took me out in three years?  Well, that's over, because I deserve and want better.  Also, recently, I have really enjoyed spending time with my girlfriends (although all are married). This may hinder my man situation just a bit. My friends are no longer looking, so when we go out, we don't go to the same places we would have gone when we were single. I can't really go looking for someone by myself. Okay, so maybe I haven't aggressively pursued to rectify this as much as I could. So if you don't meet someone at work or through a friend, where does a single girl go to become a "real" date for someone? I've asked around, and no one seems to have a definitive answer. Now...there's a real mystery for you. So, guys, anyone up for dinner?