Searching for the One and Bamfum

 I must be honest, it has taken me some time to be ready in my life to want to find that special someone.  It’s not that I didn’t want to find him before, but now I’m on a mission to find him. 

            There was a time a few years ago where I didn’t know if I ever wanted to get married and have kids.  I feel that not every woman has to be a wife and/or a mother in order to feel fulfilled.  I know many of you will disagree with that, but I don’t think every woman should be a mother; and I wasn’t going to be one just because society thought I should.  I only wanted to be one, if and when I was ready to be one.

            Last year, I volunteered in Africa and everything changed.  I worked in an HIV/AIDS clinic and an orphanage.  I bonded with the most unlikely people, and when I got home, I knew I wanted to get married and have kids.  There was a set of twin girls, 8 years old, who if I could have taken back with me, I would have.  I fell in love with Queenie and Princess, which is what they called themselves, and I knew it was time.

            Well, before I can think about having kids, I so desperately, like so many of you out there, want to find my soul mate, the one I can’t live without.  I didn’t know this would be such an undertaking.  Not that I thought it would come easily, but it seems all my friends have had no problems finding their husbands, why is it such a task for me? 

            I understand that I’m picky, but if I’m going to spend the rest of my life with this person, shouldn’t I be picky?  There are certain things I want, that I’m sure many other women want as well….I want someone who is respectful, generous, and loving.  I also want him to be financially stable and ambitious.  Being with someone who lives paycheck to paycheck makes for a difficult relationship and doesn’t leave a woman with a sense of security, especially if you want kids one day.  I would like him to have goals, because if he can’t challenge himself, he certainly won’t be able to challenge me. 

I’m tall (5’9”), so I want someone who is taller than I am, 5’11” or taller would be nice.  Now I know you might think this is really being picky, but I’ve gone out with a guy shorter than I am, and I just never felt comfortable with it.   

I like adventure and traveling, so it would be great if he shared in those, especially traveling.  But what I really want is someone who I’m attracted to who is also going to treat me well…someone who is a good conversationalist and wants to be with me as much as I want to be with him. 

Now the problem arises.  Where do I go find this attractive, tall, financially stable, ambitious, loving, traveling man?  I don’t like the bar/club scene.  If you don’t meet him at work or school, there leaves little options. 

So I’m currently trying the online dating thing.  It’s going okay, but not great.  The people that seem to like my profile, I’m not interested in.  The guys I like, don’t seem to be interested in me.  What gives? 

I did find this username Bamfum on a couple of sites that I looked on.  But who is Bamfum?  I like what his profile said, and I find him very attractive.  Yes, he is tall at 6’8”, but I don’t have his real name.  Obviously on the online sites, they don’t publish their real names.  He also hasn’t been on the sites in a while, so who knows if he will ever go back on them.  I’m so fascinated with him that I can’t get him off my mind.  That just sounds terrible, considering I’ve never met or even talked to Bamfum.  I emailed him once, but he hasn’t been on the site to even read it….which brings me to this question….    

Have you ever seen someone in passing, at a restaurant, grocery story, and you were drawn to this person for some reason but never said anything to him?  Then as the hours went on, the days passed, you kept thinking of him…wishing you had said something, anything?  But in that moment that you saw him, you didn’t know what to say.  You knew he wasn’t wearing a ring, but that’s all you knew.  You didn’t know how to approach him, how to start a conversation, or you are shy? 

So as I continue on my long journey of finding my future husband, wish me luck, as I wish you luck.  I find this task is going to be grueling, but I know it will be really worth it in the end, because I KNOW he is out there…somewhere looking for me as I’m looking for him.  And keep in mind, I’ve found that not saying something…anything…even hi will eat you up more than you trying to start a conversation.  Who knows what “hi” can lead to…he just might be “the ONE.”  So, Bamfum, if you’re out there, I just want to say, “Hi.”

On Oprah: You Can Help Others

I don’ t know how many of you watched Oprah today, Thursday Oct 1. I haven’t watched Oprah in a while, but today I happened to watch it, and I’m so thrilled I did. We all know that Oprah has helped millions of people. This is your turn to contribute by helping many other women. Let me start by telling you a little bit about Oprah’s episode, in case you missed it. Then I will tell you how you can help numerous women in third world countries, because when you give to them, you are giving to the world.

A lady, Tererai Tren, from Zimbabwe had a dream 20 years ago. Her dream was to come to The United States, get a B.S., get an Masters, and then get a Ph D. That was her dream. She didn’t know how she was going to do it. After all, she wasn’t allowed to go to school, hid the fact that she did her brother’s homework, was married at the age of 11 and had three kids at 18. She wrote her dream on a piece of tin and buried it under a rock, what she used as a desk to do her brother’s homework. She made it to Oklahoma and graduated with her B.S. She took care of her five kids and a husband with HIV, worked two jobs, and studied for her MBA. Now, she will finish her Ph D by the end of the year.

Another lady, Saima Muhammand from the Congo was beaten by her husband whose debt had risen so high that it would keep generations in debt. When Saima had two daughters, her husband wanted to take on another wife to produce a son. Saima then decided to take things into her own hands. She took out a $65 loan, and with this loan, she negotiated and bought beads for embroidery in which to sell at the market. With the profit, she bought more supplies. Now she owns and operates a very profitable business, and people come to her for loans. She paid back her loan, paid off her husband’s debt, and had enough money to buy the more cherished possession…a television. The people who once made fun of her, now come to her house to watch TV.

Why should you care about women living so far away?  You are worried about your own lives, how you are going to get your kids to their events, or what you are going to cook for dinner.  We all want to feel a bond or connection with another person, and that connection can be felt through ourselves and others.  We all want to know we matter.  

Just by giving a little of ourselves, we can impact so many others. When I went to Africa last year, I realized this. The things that mean so much to us…our materialistic things…don’t matter to people in third world countries. They don’t have the same perspective as we do. They want to be able to provide for their families….giving them food, running water, and electricity. They don’t care about electronics, fancy cars, or extravagant restaurants. They want to know they have money for food. They want to be able to give their children an education, a high school education. It’s truly amazing when I saw this first hand in Africa. I saw what it’s like to not have money for food. When a mother couldn’t afford $1 a day for food for their family. The only way they could feed their kids is by going to a soup kitchen, where the poverty owners had to use their own money to fund the kitchens. Running water is a luxury many can’t afford. These people don’t have money for clothes, toothpaste or deodorant, yet the government makes it mandatory for their school kids to buy uniforms. If families don’t have money for necessities, why does their government make them buy uniforms in order to attend school? So you can imagine how many kids don’t go to school…not because they don’t want to. The little things make a huge difference to these kids. When I was in Africa, I ran into a group of kids that were not in school. They said it was raining in the morning. If they went to school, they would be completely wet all day and their clothes wouldn’t dry. I opened my backpack. I took out my only umbrella and handed it to one of them as I said, “Next time it rains, now you can go to school.” Smiles covered their faces, as the thought of an umbrella making someone’s day crossed my mind. I never really thought about how one small gesture, one small thing, could make THAT much of a difference in someone else’s life. Now, I believe the small things make more of an impact at times than the bigger ones. With your help, only a few dollars a month, kids can go to school and get an education. Women in the Congo and other third world countries want to be sponsored. They have the desire and hope to fulfill their dreams, knowing that if one person believes in them, they can start their own business, get an education, or provide for their family. When you help and sponsor one woman, you ignite a nation. When one woman is empowered, she empowers her kids, her community and the world. She passes her enlightenment on, while improving the lives of so many others. She can and does move mountains, when someone gives her wind under her wings. Imagine how many lives can be impact when you choose to help one other, and she passes it on to those around her, and they pass it on to those around them. Before you know it, the country is changed, the continent is changed…and the world is changed, making it a better place for everyone. So take the time and give a little of yourself. It’s not much money. Maybe you can skip going out to dinner once a month or buying that pair of jeans to go along with the other ten in your closet. It’s not only about the money. Yes, they do need the money, but it also gives them permission to have confidence and to feel whole. It gives them a sense of security, knowing they have the means to give their family food. It instills respect in themselves and reiterates their intelligence. When you sponsor a woman, it’s also allows them to connect with you through letters. They cherish the letters and the bond they establish, knowing you help them fulfill their destiny. So, help women everywhere, by sponsoring and giving a little of yourself. It extends much farther than a dinner out.

Scamming on the Internet

Okay, so I just want to share a story with you that happened to me recently.  As some of you may know, I’m currently looking for investors for my talk show.  Well, I have an investor video up on YouTube, so I’m guessing that’s how this person found me.  

Someone by the name of Andries Boekel*** emailed me saying he was interested in investing in my company.  He said that he saw my show and that he was a huge fan.  

I replied to him by saying that I would answer any questions that he might have.  He emailed me back asking how much I had in saving and how much I needed for the investment.  

I told him I needed $500,000 for 20% of my company for the investment.  I never told him how much I had in savings, because it is none of his business, assuming he was a legitimate investor.

He had emailed me a will saying he inherited 5.1 million dollars from Edwin Gabriel and a copy of his passport.  Well, he was from the Netherlands, and I have no idea if the passport was even valid.  He said he would send me the $500,000, but I would need to pay a fee for “the security of the money.”  He would have to ask his accountant what the fee would be.

I replied that I hoped it wasn’t a scam, because no legitimate investor would be asking me for money.  I told him how I found scams online about Edwin Gabriel (at least two pages on Google saying Edwin Gabriel died leaving 5.1 million dollars—the exact same amount he said he inherited).

He emailed back saying his accountant fee would be $750, it wasn’t a scam and how he sent the documents and his passport.  He even said that I had his IP address.  What would that do for me, if I sent him the $750, and he didn’t send me the $500,000.  My lawyer couldn’t sue him being in another country.  What good would an IP address do?  Absolutely nothing with him being in The Netherlands.

Anyways, I did contact my lawyer, after asking two friends.  My lawyer said that each party is responsible for their own fees.  Also, I had told Andries if it wasn’t a scam then he could just deduct the $750 from the $500,000.  He refused to do that….so you know it’s a scam.  I emailed him saying what my lawyer said and that legitimate investors don’t ask the business for money in order for them to invest.

I just want to help those of you who might get a similar email or think someone may be trying to scam you.  First, trust your gut instincts.  When I got the initial email, I thought, “Wow!”  My gut said, this is too good to be true, someone is just emailing me wanting to invest.?.  Of course, a little part of me really wanted it to be true.  This can be the case with any of us.  When we really want something bad enough, pertaining to anything, we need to try and take our emotions out of it.  We need to make sure we are thinking 100% with our heads, otherwise, we may get taken advantage of.

Secondly, look for the red flags.  Red flags mean there is something not quite right.  Make sure you pay attention to them and not just brush them aside because you don’t want them to be true.

Next, ask around.  Tell your friends and ask their advice.  They won’t have the emotional component involved and will be able to look at it from an outsiders point of view.

Next, do your own research.  I googled the information and immediately found what I was looking for.  One the will Andries sent me, there was the name of a bank.  I emailed the bank and asked them if they dispersed the money to Andries Boekelman.  They emailed me back telling me not to reply to the email, and that it was a scam.  They sent it to their investigation department, and to let them know if something else arises.

Finally, ask your lawyer or an expert.  They should know what is best to do…and it may be worth spending the money to have them look at any documents.

Let me know if you have come into any of these situations, I would love to hear from you…..Beware, because they might appear in the least likely places.  Who would have thought someone would take advantage of someone who is trying to fulfill her dreams and help people.  I even told him this…that it is a dream to expand and grow my company in order to help more people.  These people are ruthless and know what to say to take advantage of their targets.  Don’t let yourself get taken advantage of and be their next target!  Make sure you protect yourself, research, and listen to your instincts!

Oprah Quitting??

Did you hear the news today?  That Oprah is no going to quit her talk show after her 25th season, which will be Sept 9, 2011.  I knew there was a possibility this could happen, but I was actually a little excited.

Now, I know this may sound selfish to many.  First let me say how much she has inspired so many people.  There is no denying how much she has done for this world, but I also believe she will continue to thrive even after her show ends.  I know her work is actually just beginning.  She has so much goodness left in her.

With that, let me explain why I was a little excited when I heard the news.  I have an internet television talk show, The JESSICARECTOR Show, where real people share life experiences in order to make a difference and change the world.  It's similar to some of the stories that Oprah has on her show.  I feel there is a need in the market for these type of shows....talk shows that are not based around celebrities.  

There are so many stories that have impacted millions of people worldwide.  Think of non-profit organizations or causes.  Think of how they began.  Susan G. Komen started as one promise between two sisters...that no one would have to suffer from breast cancer.  Susan G. Komen and The Race for the Cure has helped millions and raised over 1.3 billion dollars.  What is your story and how many people can it help?  

That's my goal...to help as many people as I can by providing a forum, The JESSICARECTOR Show, where they can share their story.  So many people feel as though they are not being heard.  Now, their voices are being heard.  Not only does it give guests an opportunity to lift up themselves, but it inspires others to feel comfortable in sharing their life experiences.  It allows them to not feel guilt, shame, or resentment.  It frees them from any negative feelings, giving them the wings to truly be who they are.  Stories inspire, motivate, empower, and educate others.  What can your story do for others.

So, with this in mind, when Oprah decided to stop her talk show, I got a little tingle inside.  Because when she leaves daytime, there will be a large gap, that every network will be trying to fill.  As much as I've heard over the past year, Jessica Rector is the next Oprah.  I don't want to be the next Oprah.  It's a compliment that people are saying that, but I want to be the first Jessica Rector...because as my name states, JESSICARECTOR, I CARE.  I want people to know my show, because of how many people it has helped or inspired.  The more people who know my show, the more people it has helped.  Helping people is what the show is about, and you having the power to help others.  I want you to share your story, because one person, somewhere, may be waiting to hear your story.  

When the networks are looking to fill the gap, I will be waiting.  Make sure you continue to read my blog, watch my show on www.JESSICARECTOR.com, and make comments to me.  The more involved you get the better chance the show has to actually get on TV, which means the more publicity and advertising it gets, and in turn, the more people can be helped.  If you want to help people, first write to me and share your story.  You may become a guest on the show.  Next email your major networks, NBC, CBS, FOX, ABC, etc. and tell them about The JESSICARECTOR Show.  Make sure you include the website link.  Oh, and we are redesigning the website, so be on the lookout for it.  

Don't forget, send us your story at www.JESSICARECTOR.com.  We want to hear from you.  And Oprah, here we come...people sharing their life experiences to help others in their lives.  Educating and empowering others, what better way to make a difference and change the world...one story at a time...

Follow us on Twitter...www.twitter.com/jessicarector or

Join us on Facebook...http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=152557098388&ref=ts

I AM...

I am a journalist, not because my degree says so.

I am a reporter, although I’ve never worked for a national news station.

I am an investigator, not only because the truth finds me.

I am a journalist, reporter, and investigator, because as my name jessICAREctor states, I care….To tell the stories of the people and to give…the people a voice.  So, tell me, what’s your story and who are you?

Tipping and the Service Industry

Why do some people think it's okay to leave a bad tip?  They want to go out and enjoy the service, but they don't want to tip what they should tip.

How do you know what to tip and to whom?  I completely understand this...in a world where it seems like everyone wants a tip for doing their job, who do you know who to tip.  

I will help you with this.  You should tip servers, bartenders, massage therapist, esthetician (or any service at the spa), hair stylists, just to name the more popular ones.

Now the baristas at your local coffee shop, you can tip, if your drink is difficult or you're a regular customer and they make your drink perfectly.  Actually, you can tip them a dollar just because.  You would be amazed to a service industry person how much an extra dollar from a person makes.  Just think, if everyone tipped a dollar over what they should, that makes a huge difference in that person's life.

Now for the service industry workers I mentioned earlier, how much should you tip?  People think that 15% is an acceptable amount.  Well, it's not.  You should tip 20% on the total bill.  The only reason not to tip 20% is if the server has a horrible attitude.  Just think when you have a bad day, it doesn't affect YOUR pay.  Remember the person could just be having a bad day...so have a little patience.

Now to those of you who think that anything under 20% is acceptable.  I understand you want to do whatever it is you're going to do, i.e. go to spa, restaurant, get your hair done, etc.  But if you can't afford a proper tip, then you can't afford to get the service.  Don't get the service and think, "Oh this is a lot of money I'm spending," and then decide to skim on the tip to save a few extra dollars.  It's not that person's fault that you are being cheap.  

This is how the people make their money, make their living.  You wouldn't want your boss you skim out a few thousand on you a year, because he/she was being cheap.  And yes, that's how much a service person misses out on a year for people skimming on the tip.

Oh, and if you eat out, and the food doesn't come out just the way you like it....like your steak is cooked wrong, most of the time, it's not the server's fault.  So, don't take it out on them in the tip.

There is no excuse for not tipping well.  If you're using a company credit card, don't use that as an excuse.  You can always add a few dollars of your own money in for the tip.  After all, you're getting the rest of the meal for free...on your company.  If you're with someone else who is paying and you don't know how they are going to tip, excuse yourself to go to the bathroom and slide your server some money.

If the person is extra good, give him/her $5 more...better yet, $10 more, if you can afford it.  There's definitely nothing wrong with over tipping.  Everyone likes to make a little more money, especially in today's recession, when less people are getting services.   

I don't want to sway you from getting services, I just want to make sure when everyone does, they know how to properly tip.  Remember, if you can't tip correctly, then don't go for the service.  You wouldn't want someone to treat you that way, so why would you treat someone else that way?  After all, you're there to have a good time and enjoy yourself.  Leaving a proper tip can only add to the event, especially if you plan on returning there.

One Decision that Changes Your Life

Have you ever taken a moment to think about how one decision can change the rest of your life? I'm not even talking about major decisions like getting married, moving, etc. I'm talking about deciding whether to work out today or if you do, where to stand in the aerobics class.

Today, a Pennsylvania man went into a LA Fitness and opened fire a fitness room in the gym, killing five people and injuring about 15 others. It was reported that he didn't like women and that he had never lived with them.

This got me to thinking about the people that were killed or injured...what made them decide to go there today? Was one of them running late, and she decided to take the place by the door? Was another one self conscious and wanted to stay near the back of the room? These "small" decisions changed the rest of their lives. On the other hand, was there a lady who was new and wanted to be in the front next to the instructor? This choice may have saved her life.

Have you ever thought how one "little" decision can affect your life? I've thought about this before...how leaving late or dropping my keys on the way to the car may have saved me from getting in a car accident or something else.

It's amazing how we take things like this for granted....a car accident, a road closed, traffic...all of these things can actually happen for the best. These things can't helped, so you might as well look at it in the most positive light, like if it didn't happen, something horrible could have happened to you.

I'm sure when those ladies thought about going to the gym this morning, they thought how they needed to lose weight, stay in shape, or look good for some event. They probably never thought that today might be their last day. And if they did, would they spend it at the gym?

My heart goes out to those women and their families. I'm thankful that the women who didn't go to the gym today decided there was something else more important to do...that one decision could've saved their lives. And to the women that went, I'm sorry that one man, one man that had issues of his own, chose to change your life in the way he did. I'm sorry that he took away some of your lives, and I'm sorry he took choices away from you. I'm sorry for all that he will put your family through. I do know, however, you will get through this. It won't be easy, but there are others who have been through a similar situation. Make sure you talk about what happened, you share your feelings with your family and friends, and you get the support you need. In time, you will heal.