The Fun Times of Online Dating

So for those of you who don't know, I'm a single 35 year old woman, who has never been married and has no kids.  I've found in the last year, that if you don't meet someone in school or at work, where do you go to meet them?  I haven't got a clue.  Let me back up and give you a little bit about my "love life" or lack thereof.

When I was younger I used to play the game MASH (mansion, apartment, shack, and house).  For those of you who don't know this game, let me explain it a little for you.  My girlfriend (really a variety of friends) and I would get a piece of paper and pencil.  Then you write "MASH" at the top.  Then you select different categories with three choices in each category.  The "must" categories were Men, Bridesmaids, Car, Kids (number of kids), Location (where you live) and Age (how old you would be when you got married).  There could be so many other categories that you would add at your discretion.  When you chose three for each category, you would close your eyes, while your friend made marks on the page.  Then she would count those marks, and let's say they add to 5.  Then she could count the answers and mark out the fifth one, then count five more and mark it out.  She would do this until one answer was left under each category.

My point is when I played this game, under the Age category for when I would get married, my answer would be 21, 22, 23, sometimes even 19.  Because at the age of 8 or 9, my early twenties seemed old.  I never, not even once, put down anything in the vicinity of 30 as my answer.  Now, I'm 35, and I haven't even remotely found someone I would even consider marrying.  

Now some would say, that I am picky.  But my answer to this is...why wouldn't I be picky.  Why would I choose to spend the rest of my life with someone that I'm just "so-so" about?  How does that make sense.  I mean, I want it all, but then again, everyone should want it all for him/herself....whatever it all means for them.  

Since I have yet to find someone and really don't have any ideas where to look, I decided to try online dating.  Now one of my good friends married a guy she met online, 10 years ago, when it wasn't what it is today.  I have another friend who met his girlfriend of 1 1/2 years online.  So, I thought it's worth a shot, right?

Well, I actually met someone who I thought was a great guy, Craig.  He was a professional skier, who was busy getting ready for the Olympics in 2010.  He was in great shape and was good looking, although he looked 13 years younger than his 36 years.  I liked that he was ambitious and goal oriented.  He even had a graduate degree.  He would give me details on his day and ask about me.  He answered all of my questions and gave me information about himself.  He would even make silly comments about things I mentioned in my emails.  He drew me in with every email he sent.  

I also started getting emails from another guy, Vern (name changed) who had a 5 1/2 year old kid who lived in Florida.  Vern was 52, and I emailed him back once but wasn't interested.  He emailed me several more times, even though I never replied to him.  

Craig then tells me he thinks I'm too old for him at 35, because his life is being a skier.  By the time the Olympics are over, he will be 37 and it will take him a few years to get settled in a job and make enough money to provide for a family.  I was devastated...not only was I very attracted to this guy, but I was sad that someone sad I was too old at 35.  I never in my life thought 35 was too old...for anything!

Well, to make a long story short, I talked to him and find out that Craig and Vern are one and the same person...and let me tell you, I NEVER saw this one coming.   But it's really the 52 year old Vern who is acting like he is Craig.  He tells me some pathetic story that tries to validate what he did.  He said Craig was still him, everything he said was true only 10 years ago.  To me, it was all a lie, because "Craig" would say things he did one day that really never happened.  If you lie to me, that's something I have problems getting past.  

More than his lying, he made me doubt myself...I second guessed being 35, and knowing that it's not too old.  I thought, "If 35 is too old, I'm never going to get married and have kids."  I also thought, "How is 35 too old?"

This online incident did teach me a thing or two...One is not to every allow someone else to doubt you or what you believe.  Also, don't let someone else try to manipulate you into doing or believing something, that you heart/gut tells you otherwise.  I know I'm going to have to go through a lot of toads to find my prince, but gosh, I'm already getting impatient.  And I thought about this, right after it happened and wondered if I should stop looking online for my prince.  Then I thought, "Why am I going to let someone who doesn't mean anything to me interfere with my goals?"  

Well, I'm not, and neither should you!  We will find some creeps along the way, but who said finding your "wish man"...the guy I wish I had....was ever going to be easy.  If it was, I would sit on my couch, and he would come knocking at my door.  Then again, this isn't a fairytale, although I am proactively seeking my prince...and if he looked like George Clooney, Michael Vartan or Wentworth Miller, that definitely wouldn't hurt the cause.  Keep an open mind, open heart and open eyes.  He could be walking past you in the grocery story, standing next to you in line or sitting at the next restaurant table.  I'm always on the scope out, and you should be too, because GMW (George, Michael, Wentworth) may be walking in front of you, and if you blink your eyes, someone else will be marrying your husband. 

17 Year Apology and Preventing Suicide

It began one night my senior year in high school.  One of my best friends dropped me off at another friend’s house after work.  Holly and I used to be inseparable.  We did everything together, and now she had recently met a guy and started seriously dating him.  Now, I never saw her.  So this was a rare opportunity for us to talk.  And that we did.  I told her that she didn’t know me as well as she thought she did.  I had attempted suicide.  After a brief conversation, I walked in Hollie’s house (yes I had two best friends with the same name just different spellings) thinking that was the end of it all.

Now, I can only imagine how shocked Holly must have been.  I was an A student, who didn’t do drugs.  I had been to a hand full of parties that year, but there was really nothing in my life that would give anyone the sign of suicide.  Plus, that is something that happens to the family down the street or on T.V.  That doesn’t happen to someone you know and love.  How is that possible?

There is no specific incident that started it.  It was a culmination of several things.  Feeling like I was being abandoned by the one person I thought I could always count on to be there (my best friend), fighting endlessly with my mom, and being busy with work and school and having what I thought was such a little social life.  I mean, after all, in high school, you’re supposed to have a good social life.  The problem is I did most of this to myself.  I was beginning to come into my own, and I wanted my independence.  I worked so much so I wouldn’t have to see my mom, because we fought so much.  We fought so much, because I was never around.  It was a vicious cycle.  Of course, now all those “problems” aren’t really problems at all.  But most 17 year olds just don’t know how to deal with most things.

I didn’t really want to kill myself, because if I did, I would’ve succeeded.  Of course, at the time, I didn’t know that.  I knew that I was unhappy and didn’t know what to do about it.  Attempted suicide seemed like a quick fix.  But in reality, it wasn’t the answer.  It was about me getting attention and feeling wanted and needed.  It was about someone paying attention to me and what was going on in my life.  Granted this wasn’t the best way to do it, but try telling that to a 17 year old. 

The next week at school, I got called into the counselor’s office.  I had no idea what this could have possibly been about.  I never got into trouble.  As I walked to her office, it started to dawn on me.  Did Molly say something?  When I told her about my attempted suicide, I thought it ended there.  It never occurred to me that she would say something. 

As I talked with the counselor, she asked me why I did it, and I didn’t have a solid answer for her.  She asked me if we should call my mom or my dad.  I said, “Neither.  I’ll just stop.”  At the time, I thought I would.  After all, I really didn’t want to die, I just wanted someone to notice me.  They noticed me…and too much, so that’s was it for me.  I didn’t need or want any more.

Well, the counselor called my dad.  He was speechless.  After talking for a very long time about what happened, we agreed I was see a therapist.  Of course, I refused at first, because at the time, I thought that was for people who were crazy.  And I wasn’t crazy.

Seeing a therapist ended up being the best thing that could have happened to me.  At first, she had difficulties understanding why I did it.  But she helped me to see things from a different perspectives and to listen to how I say certain things.  To this day, I use what I was taught by that therapist. 

The first thing every parent needs to know is that it not only happens to the neighbor down the street.  It can happen to you and your child.  If you are a parent and want to know how you can prevent this from happening to your kids, there are some signs to look for.  Now, I’m not saying if you see these, your child is definitely attempting suicide. 

When your child is pulling away from you pay attention.  Every teen will pull away a little, because he/she is trying to find him/herself, but if they start shutting down, that’s different.  When I came home from school or work, my mom would ask, “So how was your day?”

My reply, “Good” right before I would run upstairs.

Parents, don’t give up on your kids.  If they won’t answer you or give you feedback, keep asking.  Although they may say, “You’re bugging me” or “Leave me alone,” it lets them know that you care. 

Parents need to get to know their kids’ friends and their parents.  I know it’s hard when they become teens, but parents need to insist upon it.  It may seem pushy or some may think rude, but if it saves your child’s life, then pushy or rude seems insignificant.  If your child starts hanging out with friends you don’t think have a positive influence, keep a watchful eye.  Hanging out with sketchy people can greatly impact your child’s life.

Also, be on the lookout for things that may not seem “normal.”  If they have bruising or marks on their neck or lines on their wrists, this isn’t normal.  I even had a friend who said to me, “When I see lines on someone’s wrist, I think they tried suicide.” 

I said, “Oh really?”

She never brought it up again or did anything about it.  When you have a friend who is willing to do something about it, that’s when you know she is a true friend.

After my high school years, Holly and I lost touch.  We found out that we both moved to the same area in Texas and recently had lunch.  I told her, “I’m sorry for everything I put you through and everything that was said.  I know it was difficult for you to make the decision you made, but I’m thankful for it.  Thank you for doing what you did, because what I learned has helped me several times in my life.  So, I’m sorry and thank you for what you did.”

It was the apology I had waited 17 years to give, and probably the one she had waited just as long to hear.  With tears in her eyes, she said, “Thank you for saying that.”

And with that, so much weight had been lifted from my shoulders.

My experience has brought me to the person I am today, but if I can help one parent, then that’s an accomplishment.  If I can keep one person from thinking about or committing suicide, my life is a success.

Kidney Donation and Saving a Live

Did you know over 4,500 people die each year waiting for a kidney?  That seems like a lot of unwanted deaths, when people like you and me can help them.  You only need one kidney to survive, so why don’t more people volunteer theirs?  I know there are many people who can’t.  If you have a genetic disease, high blood pressure, kidney stones or other dilemmas, you may be disqualified.  But there are millions of us out there who can, but don’t, donate a kidney. 

            I was recently talking to my sister about this, because I’ve registered to donate a kidney at www.matchingdonors.com.  She said she wouldn’t consider it, because what if her son needs one in the future.  My reply to her was, “What if I walked across the street tomorrow and got hit by a bus.”  My point is what if…we could ask those questions all day and all night.  We would never have the exact answer of what might or will happen. 

            According to Organ Procurement and Transplantation network, over 80,600 people are on the list for a kidney transplant, and the number needing kidneys has risen by 86%, while only 31% receive kidneys.  That’s 55% of people not getting kidneys.  That’s 55% of people that we, you and me, can save.

            I realize it’s a sacrifice to give up something…an organ…to someone that you don’t know.  I realize that it’s giving up something, a part, of who you are.  But really you are giving someone else something so much more.  You are giving someone, a mother, a grandfather, a child…life.  What better gift can you give someone?.  Really there isn’t one. 

            Consider you needed a kidney…consider your sister, dad, grandma, niece, or child needed a kidney, but you weren’t a match.  Your brother, mom, grandchild, none of them were matches.  No one in your family matched the one person you loved more than anything else…anyone else.  But no one you knew matched them…no one you knew could donate to them.  What would you do?  What wouldn’t you do to find a kidney for them?  After all, if they didn’t get one, their life would be cut short, not just by months but by several years.  What sacrifice would you make?  Who would you contact?  What boundaries would you cross to find that kidney, to save your loved ones life?

            Well, there are so many people in that position right now.  People who want, desperately, someone to search into his/her heart and be willing to donate a kidney.  They are willing to do just about anything to have their spouse, cousin, mother, son live years longer. 

            What makes us, you and me, so blessed that we don’t have to worry about kidney failure, kidney disease, dialysis, end stage, or any other negative terms associated with poor kidneys?  What makes us so special that we have two good working kidneys, while others are suffering…not even having one working? 

            If you have ever had someone you love die from kidney failure, like I have, and not been able to do anything about it, then maybe this would hold a little special place in your heart.  Maybe you could sympathize with so many families who might lose the people they love, and there is nothing they can do about it.  Well, there is something you and I can do about it. 

            We can know our blood type.  I know mine, because I wanted to help my grandfather over half my life ago by donating blood.  He and I had the same blood type.  When he got really sick, I told my dad I wanted to donate a kidney to him.  He wasn’t cleared for it at the time, but I was willing anyways.  When he finally went on dialysis, it was too late.  He had one treatment before he died of kidney failure. 

            Five years ago, one of my good friends, at 31 years old, died of kidney failure.  And again, there was nothing I could do about it.  So, with this in mind, there is plenty I can do about helping educate others on kidney donation. 

            I understand the uncertainty of donating to an unknown person.  I understand you might be scared.  I also understand if you have a family and want to provide for them.  If nothing else, make sure you are a donor on your drivers license. 

            Also, think of this…what makes you and I so special that we don’t have to worry about our kidneys failing?  I believe things are meant to happen.  When my sister asked me, “What happens if your nephew needs a kidney, and you gave your away?” 

            I replied to her, “He has plenty of people that can get tested to donate.  Many people don’t have anyone else.”

            She then said, “Well, that doesn’t mean they will match.  What if you need it one day for yourself or your kids?”

            I replied to her, “It doesn’t mean I will either.  And I believe if I gave mine up, and I need another one some day, then someone will be out there somewhere giving me one.”

            There are 4,500 people who will die this year from not receiving a kidney.  You can help one…it is just one, but it is one.  Who know what that one person will and can do one day, all because you gave up something, a kidney, that you didn’t need anyways.  Imagine how your life will change by helping that one person.  All it takes is helping one person, because then that one person helps another, and that person helps another.  So, you could actually help millions by donating your kidney to one person.  Saving another life, what could ever be better than that!

35...and Finally Had a Real Date

  So, this is the follow up to my previous article 30 and Never Had a Real Date.  Well, I turned 35 about a month ago, and I finally had a real date.  Yeah for me !!!!  I met a guy through an online dating site, because let’s face it, I won’t pretend to know where to go to meet single guys these days.  I mean if you don’t meet them at work, school, or through friends, where do you meet them.  I’m not the bar/club type of person, and I don’t know anyone who can set me up with guys.  So, that leaves very few options.

            Anyways, we emailed a few times before we talked on the phone.  The conversations on the phone went very well.   The first conversation lasted 4 hours and the second lasted 6 hours, on Monday and Tuesday respectively.  Then we met up for drinks late on Friday.  We were both a little nervous, after all with the conversations going so well, I had some type of expectations, as I’m sure he did too.  The conversation was a little slow at first, but after the second drink, it went better.

            We agreed to meet up on Sunday for our first actual date.  We had this day planned and decided during the week.  After our two great conversations, we agreed to meet up on Fri for a pre-date.  So, technically Sunday was my first real date.  Now the poor guy didn’t have any idea that I had never had a real date.  I mean, he did tell me on Friday that he Googled me.  If you do the same, you will notice many things come up.  So, when he said this, I was shocked and surprised and even cringed a little, because I wasn’t sure what he read or saw about me.  Now, I’m sure you can imagine, I certainly didn’t want him seeing that I had never had a real date…that wouldn’t be a great way to just meet someone, “By the way I’ve never had a real date, no pressure : )”  I thought I would wait at least until I knew he liked me more to break this news to him.

            Anyways on Sunday, we were going to eat and walk around this outside area to “explore,” as he put it, which I wasn’t really sure what that meant, but I was up for it anyways.  After all, I had never had a real date.  Then he said the weather might not be too good, so he suggested the usual movie and dinner.  I said to him, “I guess that’s fine if you are already tired of talking to me.”  He laughed, but I guess he was, because we ended up doing dinner and a movie. 

            It went okay, but the conversation was more difficult this time.  I felt like I was the one who kept instigating the conversation, and if I didn’t ask questions or talk, there was only silence.  I liked the guy, so we went out a few more times.  After a month, I realized that my intuition was right, there was no emotional connection.  So, I ended it.  Now I realize I should’ve listened to my instincts and not kept going out with him for even a month.  I know what my likes/dislikes are, what my interests are, and what I want in a man.  This guy didn’t know any of these things about himself, which is fine in your twenties.  In your thirties, if you don’t know these things about yourself, you’re never going to find someone that lifts you, because you don’t even know who you are.

            Now, after finally having my first real date, I realize that I really haven’t been missing out on so much….the awkward conversations, the nervousness, the uncertainty, etc.  Then again, I could look at it as the appeal of meeting someone new, good conversation, and who knows how this person can change my life….right?  This is going to be a long road for me to find the man of my dreams, and I just started.  I do wish I would’ve started the whole “looking for the man of my dreams” a little while ago, because I realize it’s not just going to take one or two guys.  It may take me several years.  At the age of 35, and wanting a family, I don’t feel like I have several years.

            Which leads me to….okay, so I’ve tried all kinds of online dating sites, Match Eharmony, Plenty of fish, Sugardaddie, Millionairematch, Dateamillionaire, among I’m sure another one or two I can’t think of.  Now, I have only joined a few, but I’m registered on all of these, and for some reason I can’t find a good looking, interesting, with a good personality guy.  The guys that I find attractive or appealing don’t email me back, whereas the guys I’m not interested in email me.  So, what gives?  I’m a reasonably attractive, educated, fun, witty, adventurous, traveling gal, but for some reason I’m not attracting the men I want.  What’s the secret? 

            I mean if it’s going to take me several guys to find the man of my dreams, and I don’t know where to look besides online dating, and I can’t find any one to whom I’m attracted to respond to my emails, does that mean I’m going to be single forever???  Gosh, I hope not.  So, ladies and gentlemen, please, please, please, write me a comment and give me some advice on where I can go to find someone to whom I might be interested.  Tell me what’s the secret to writing a great online profile.  I’ve even read advice on how to write a great online profile, and obviously that’s not even working for me. 

            Granted, I’m the type of person who wants results now.  I wasn’t expecting to find my dream man in the first real date I’ve ever had, but a girl can hope can’t she?  I did find this great guy, or who seems to be a great guy (screen name Bamfum on a couple of sites) but I think he is not a paid member.  I’m really wanting to talk to him…just to see what would happen.  Of course, I need to get over that, because it’s completely out of my control….so I’ll just keep him in the back of my mind, just in case: ) 

            So let me put this out there to you…the guy I’m looking for isn’t perfect, because I know I’m not perfect.  He just has to be perfect for me.  He has to be attractive, ambitious, fun, be able to laugh at himself (because I’m the first to laugh at myself), supportive, challenge me, able to handle sarcasm (I can be quite sarcastic—but not in a judgmental negative way), outgoing, adventurous, a traveler, love to explore/try new things…okay, so good luck to meJ….But, I also know he is out there.  So, if you are looking for your “wish man,” as I like to call mine, because he is the man I wish I had, make sure you have a list (at least in your head) of who you are looking for and on what you are willing to compromise.  Since I’ve waited this long to find my “wish man,” I have to be willing to give up George (Clooney), Michael (Vartan) and Wentworth (Miller) for this guy, so he HAS to be one spectacular man.  Nothing else will (or should) do….and it should be the same for you.  Don’t give up, no matter how old you are, age is only relative after all, your “wish man” is out there.  You just have to keep looking…no matter how many men or years it takes.  Wish us luck!

Searching for the One and Bamfum

 I must be honest, it has taken me some time to be ready in my life to want to find that special someone.  It’s not that I didn’t want to find him before, but now I’m on a mission to find him. 

            There was a time a few years ago where I didn’t know if I ever wanted to get married and have kids.  I feel that not every woman has to be a wife and/or a mother in order to feel fulfilled.  I know many of you will disagree with that, but I don’t think every woman should be a mother; and I wasn’t going to be one just because society thought I should.  I only wanted to be one, if and when I was ready to be one.

            Last year, I volunteered in Africa and everything changed.  I worked in an HIV/AIDS clinic and an orphanage.  I bonded with the most unlikely people, and when I got home, I knew I wanted to get married and have kids.  There was a set of twin girls, 8 years old, who if I could have taken back with me, I would have.  I fell in love with Queenie and Princess, which is what they called themselves, and I knew it was time.

            Well, before I can think about having kids, I so desperately, like so many of you out there, want to find my soul mate, the one I can’t live without.  I didn’t know this would be such an undertaking.  Not that I thought it would come easily, but it seems all my friends have had no problems finding their husbands, why is it such a task for me? 

            I understand that I’m picky, but if I’m going to spend the rest of my life with this person, shouldn’t I be picky?  There are certain things I want, that I’m sure many other women want as well….I want someone who is respectful, generous, and loving.  I also want him to be financially stable and ambitious.  Being with someone who lives paycheck to paycheck makes for a difficult relationship and doesn’t leave a woman with a sense of security, especially if you want kids one day.  I would like him to have goals, because if he can’t challenge himself, he certainly won’t be able to challenge me. 

I’m tall (5’9”), so I want someone who is taller than I am, 5’11” or taller would be nice.  Now I know you might think this is really being picky, but I’ve gone out with a guy shorter than I am, and I just never felt comfortable with it.   

I like adventure and traveling, so it would be great if he shared in those, especially traveling.  But what I really want is someone who I’m attracted to who is also going to treat me well…someone who is a good conversationalist and wants to be with me as much as I want to be with him. 

Now the problem arises.  Where do I go find this attractive, tall, financially stable, ambitious, loving, traveling man?  I don’t like the bar/club scene.  If you don’t meet him at work or school, there leaves little options. 

So I’m currently trying the online dating thing.  It’s going okay, but not great.  The people that seem to like my profile, I’m not interested in.  The guys I like, don’t seem to be interested in me.  What gives? 

I did find this username Bamfum on a couple of sites that I looked on.  But who is Bamfum?  I like what his profile said, and I find him very attractive.  Yes, he is tall at 6’8”, but I don’t have his real name.  Obviously on the online sites, they don’t publish their real names.  He also hasn’t been on the sites in a while, so who knows if he will ever go back on them.  I’m so fascinated with him that I can’t get him off my mind.  That just sounds terrible, considering I’ve never met or even talked to Bamfum.  I emailed him once, but he hasn’t been on the site to even read it….which brings me to this question….    

Have you ever seen someone in passing, at a restaurant, grocery story, and you were drawn to this person for some reason but never said anything to him?  Then as the hours went on, the days passed, you kept thinking of him…wishing you had said something, anything?  But in that moment that you saw him, you didn’t know what to say.  You knew he wasn’t wearing a ring, but that’s all you knew.  You didn’t know how to approach him, how to start a conversation, or you are shy? 

So as I continue on my long journey of finding my future husband, wish me luck, as I wish you luck.  I find this task is going to be grueling, but I know it will be really worth it in the end, because I KNOW he is out there…somewhere looking for me as I’m looking for him.  And keep in mind, I’ve found that not saying something…anything…even hi will eat you up more than you trying to start a conversation.  Who knows what “hi” can lead to…he just might be “the ONE.”  So, Bamfum, if you’re out there, I just want to say, “Hi.”

On Oprah: You Can Help Others

I don’ t know how many of you watched Oprah today, Thursday Oct 1. I haven’t watched Oprah in a while, but today I happened to watch it, and I’m so thrilled I did. We all know that Oprah has helped millions of people. This is your turn to contribute by helping many other women. Let me start by telling you a little bit about Oprah’s episode, in case you missed it. Then I will tell you how you can help numerous women in third world countries, because when you give to them, you are giving to the world.

A lady, Tererai Tren, from Zimbabwe had a dream 20 years ago. Her dream was to come to The United States, get a B.S., get an Masters, and then get a Ph D. That was her dream. She didn’t know how she was going to do it. After all, she wasn’t allowed to go to school, hid the fact that she did her brother’s homework, was married at the age of 11 and had three kids at 18. She wrote her dream on a piece of tin and buried it under a rock, what she used as a desk to do her brother’s homework. She made it to Oklahoma and graduated with her B.S. She took care of her five kids and a husband with HIV, worked two jobs, and studied for her MBA. Now, she will finish her Ph D by the end of the year.

Another lady, Saima Muhammand from the Congo was beaten by her husband whose debt had risen so high that it would keep generations in debt. When Saima had two daughters, her husband wanted to take on another wife to produce a son. Saima then decided to take things into her own hands. She took out a $65 loan, and with this loan, she negotiated and bought beads for embroidery in which to sell at the market. With the profit, she bought more supplies. Now she owns and operates a very profitable business, and people come to her for loans. She paid back her loan, paid off her husband’s debt, and had enough money to buy the more cherished possession…a television. The people who once made fun of her, now come to her house to watch TV.

Why should you care about women living so far away?  You are worried about your own lives, how you are going to get your kids to their events, or what you are going to cook for dinner.  We all want to feel a bond or connection with another person, and that connection can be felt through ourselves and others.  We all want to know we matter.  

Just by giving a little of ourselves, we can impact so many others. When I went to Africa last year, I realized this. The things that mean so much to us…our materialistic things…don’t matter to people in third world countries. They don’t have the same perspective as we do. They want to be able to provide for their families….giving them food, running water, and electricity. They don’t care about electronics, fancy cars, or extravagant restaurants. They want to know they have money for food. They want to be able to give their children an education, a high school education. It’s truly amazing when I saw this first hand in Africa. I saw what it’s like to not have money for food. When a mother couldn’t afford $1 a day for food for their family. The only way they could feed their kids is by going to a soup kitchen, where the poverty owners had to use their own money to fund the kitchens. Running water is a luxury many can’t afford. These people don’t have money for clothes, toothpaste or deodorant, yet the government makes it mandatory for their school kids to buy uniforms. If families don’t have money for necessities, why does their government make them buy uniforms in order to attend school? So you can imagine how many kids don’t go to school…not because they don’t want to. The little things make a huge difference to these kids. When I was in Africa, I ran into a group of kids that were not in school. They said it was raining in the morning. If they went to school, they would be completely wet all day and their clothes wouldn’t dry. I opened my backpack. I took out my only umbrella and handed it to one of them as I said, “Next time it rains, now you can go to school.” Smiles covered their faces, as the thought of an umbrella making someone’s day crossed my mind. I never really thought about how one small gesture, one small thing, could make THAT much of a difference in someone else’s life. Now, I believe the small things make more of an impact at times than the bigger ones. With your help, only a few dollars a month, kids can go to school and get an education. Women in the Congo and other third world countries want to be sponsored. They have the desire and hope to fulfill their dreams, knowing that if one person believes in them, they can start their own business, get an education, or provide for their family. When you help and sponsor one woman, you ignite a nation. When one woman is empowered, she empowers her kids, her community and the world. She passes her enlightenment on, while improving the lives of so many others. She can and does move mountains, when someone gives her wind under her wings. Imagine how many lives can be impact when you choose to help one other, and she passes it on to those around her, and they pass it on to those around them. Before you know it, the country is changed, the continent is changed…and the world is changed, making it a better place for everyone. So take the time and give a little of yourself. It’s not much money. Maybe you can skip going out to dinner once a month or buying that pair of jeans to go along with the other ten in your closet. It’s not only about the money. Yes, they do need the money, but it also gives them permission to have confidence and to feel whole. It gives them a sense of security, knowing they have the means to give their family food. It instills respect in themselves and reiterates their intelligence. When you sponsor a woman, it’s also allows them to connect with you through letters. They cherish the letters and the bond they establish, knowing you help them fulfill their destiny. So, help women everywhere, by sponsoring and giving a little of yourself. It extends much farther than a dinner out.

Scamming on the Internet

Okay, so I just want to share a story with you that happened to me recently.  As some of you may know, I’m currently looking for investors for my talk show.  Well, I have an investor video up on YouTube, so I’m guessing that’s how this person found me.  

Someone by the name of Andries Boekel*** emailed me saying he was interested in investing in my company.  He said that he saw my show and that he was a huge fan.  

I replied to him by saying that I would answer any questions that he might have.  He emailed me back asking how much I had in saving and how much I needed for the investment.  

I told him I needed $500,000 for 20% of my company for the investment.  I never told him how much I had in savings, because it is none of his business, assuming he was a legitimate investor.

He had emailed me a will saying he inherited 5.1 million dollars from Edwin Gabriel and a copy of his passport.  Well, he was from the Netherlands, and I have no idea if the passport was even valid.  He said he would send me the $500,000, but I would need to pay a fee for “the security of the money.”  He would have to ask his accountant what the fee would be.

I replied that I hoped it wasn’t a scam, because no legitimate investor would be asking me for money.  I told him how I found scams online about Edwin Gabriel (at least two pages on Google saying Edwin Gabriel died leaving 5.1 million dollars—the exact same amount he said he inherited).

He emailed back saying his accountant fee would be $750, it wasn’t a scam and how he sent the documents and his passport.  He even said that I had his IP address.  What would that do for me, if I sent him the $750, and he didn’t send me the $500,000.  My lawyer couldn’t sue him being in another country.  What good would an IP address do?  Absolutely nothing with him being in The Netherlands.

Anyways, I did contact my lawyer, after asking two friends.  My lawyer said that each party is responsible for their own fees.  Also, I had told Andries if it wasn’t a scam then he could just deduct the $750 from the $500,000.  He refused to do that….so you know it’s a scam.  I emailed him saying what my lawyer said and that legitimate investors don’t ask the business for money in order for them to invest.

I just want to help those of you who might get a similar email or think someone may be trying to scam you.  First, trust your gut instincts.  When I got the initial email, I thought, “Wow!”  My gut said, this is too good to be true, someone is just emailing me wanting to invest.?.  Of course, a little part of me really wanted it to be true.  This can be the case with any of us.  When we really want something bad enough, pertaining to anything, we need to try and take our emotions out of it.  We need to make sure we are thinking 100% with our heads, otherwise, we may get taken advantage of.

Secondly, look for the red flags.  Red flags mean there is something not quite right.  Make sure you pay attention to them and not just brush them aside because you don’t want them to be true.

Next, ask around.  Tell your friends and ask their advice.  They won’t have the emotional component involved and will be able to look at it from an outsiders point of view.

Next, do your own research.  I googled the information and immediately found what I was looking for.  One the will Andries sent me, there was the name of a bank.  I emailed the bank and asked them if they dispersed the money to Andries Boekelman.  They emailed me back telling me not to reply to the email, and that it was a scam.  They sent it to their investigation department, and to let them know if something else arises.

Finally, ask your lawyer or an expert.  They should know what is best to do…and it may be worth spending the money to have them look at any documents.

Let me know if you have come into any of these situations, I would love to hear from you…..Beware, because they might appear in the least likely places.  Who would have thought someone would take advantage of someone who is trying to fulfill her dreams and help people.  I even told him this…that it is a dream to expand and grow my company in order to help more people.  These people are ruthless and know what to say to take advantage of their targets.  Don’t let yourself get taken advantage of and be their next target!  Make sure you protect yourself, research, and listen to your instincts!

Oprah Quitting??

Did you hear the news today?  That Oprah is no going to quit her talk show after her 25th season, which will be Sept 9, 2011.  I knew there was a possibility this could happen, but I was actually a little excited.

Now, I know this may sound selfish to many.  First let me say how much she has inspired so many people.  There is no denying how much she has done for this world, but I also believe she will continue to thrive even after her show ends.  I know her work is actually just beginning.  She has so much goodness left in her.

With that, let me explain why I was a little excited when I heard the news.  I have an internet television talk show, The JESSICARECTOR Show, where real people share life experiences in order to make a difference and change the world.  It's similar to some of the stories that Oprah has on her show.  I feel there is a need in the market for these type of shows....talk shows that are not based around celebrities.  

There are so many stories that have impacted millions of people worldwide.  Think of non-profit organizations or causes.  Think of how they began.  Susan G. Komen started as one promise between two sisters...that no one would have to suffer from breast cancer.  Susan G. Komen and The Race for the Cure has helped millions and raised over 1.3 billion dollars.  What is your story and how many people can it help?  

That's my goal...to help as many people as I can by providing a forum, The JESSICARECTOR Show, where they can share their story.  So many people feel as though they are not being heard.  Now, their voices are being heard.  Not only does it give guests an opportunity to lift up themselves, but it inspires others to feel comfortable in sharing their life experiences.  It allows them to not feel guilt, shame, or resentment.  It frees them from any negative feelings, giving them the wings to truly be who they are.  Stories inspire, motivate, empower, and educate others.  What can your story do for others.

So, with this in mind, when Oprah decided to stop her talk show, I got a little tingle inside.  Because when she leaves daytime, there will be a large gap, that every network will be trying to fill.  As much as I've heard over the past year, Jessica Rector is the next Oprah.  I don't want to be the next Oprah.  It's a compliment that people are saying that, but I want to be the first Jessica Rector...because as my name states, JESSICARECTOR, I CARE.  I want people to know my show, because of how many people it has helped or inspired.  The more people who know my show, the more people it has helped.  Helping people is what the show is about, and you having the power to help others.  I want you to share your story, because one person, somewhere, may be waiting to hear your story.  

When the networks are looking to fill the gap, I will be waiting.  Make sure you continue to read my blog, watch my show on www.JESSICARECTOR.com, and make comments to me.  The more involved you get the better chance the show has to actually get on TV, which means the more publicity and advertising it gets, and in turn, the more people can be helped.  If you want to help people, first write to me and share your story.  You may become a guest on the show.  Next email your major networks, NBC, CBS, FOX, ABC, etc. and tell them about The JESSICARECTOR Show.  Make sure you include the website link.  Oh, and we are redesigning the website, so be on the lookout for it.  

Don't forget, send us your story at www.JESSICARECTOR.com.  We want to hear from you.  And Oprah, here we come...people sharing their life experiences to help others in their lives.  Educating and empowering others, what better way to make a difference and change the world...one story at a time...

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